I haven’t written here in a while. I’ve been lacking a solid idea that I could drag out on here. But just now, just before I sat down to write this, something hit me.
I struggle with staying happy, though I know the best ways how.
It’s so easy to let the negative things in life, all of our stresses and terrifying futures, take over our heads and keep us in such a terrible mindset. I’ve seen so many people close to me hurt, and it makes me hurt. Reality is a scary thing and I’ve realized lately that I’m such a negative person to talk to. I complain about things all the time. When you ask me how I am, I reply with, “Eh, I’m okay.” Never, “I’m great!” or “Fantastic, how are you!?” Most people think of me as a miserable person because they never notice when I’m happy, just when I’m unhappy. People joke with me about how I look angry and sad all the time.
Truth is, I’m not. I’m just very, very tired.
It’s hard to keep up with life sometimes. Especially at this time in my life, when I’m dealing with a very important and large life change, as well as some other impactful issues. I’m so affected by these problems, that I let the minor, stupid trials in my life get to me.
Just recently, a close friend and I had a conversation about wanting to be happy in life. She was upset because of her lack of confidence and ability to get a guy. I said that I was having the same problems, except that it was on top of everything else. But to help her get past her silly issues (I say silly because she’s one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met, inside and out), she needs to focus on making herself happy before letting anybody else make her happy. I told her that in order to really be happy in life, you must make it happen and not rely on anybody else.
I told her, find something that brings joy to your life, and do it as often as you can. I told her that for me, it was going to coffee shops on beautiful days and interacting with new people I’ve never met and enjoying the sunshine. Every time I do that, my day cannot go wrong no matter what happens. I told her that the more you focus on the things that make you happy, and the more you do them alone, the more you can focus on that beautiful feeling that puts a smile on your face. Once you can rely on yourself to be happy, you will be a more inviting person. You will shine and radiate a warmth that attracts all kinds of people to you, the right people. Not the wrong ones that are attracted to you because of your vulnerability.
Too many times have I seen people in relationships where the other is clearly more dominate over the other person. They don’t see each other on the same level, and respect isn’t there. I’ve talked to others about this phenomenon, and I’m convinced that succubi are absolutely real and exist in certain people. Your own vulnerability and desperation for companionship attracts these people who have a mission to rule over you and bring you down. And once you leave, they try their hardest to convince you that they care, but in reality that’s just a mask they wear until they have you in their grasp again. Stay away from these people. If you can’t be happy with another person who respects you and views you as equal to them, you will never be happy. Run side by side, never behind.
It’s all of these thoughts that occur to me when trying to help other people that I realize, though I’m mindful of it all, I have such a hard time applying it to my life. When I get upset or stressed, I’ve been better at reminding myself that it’s just a matter of time before it passes and good things come. Taking life a day at a time relieves so many pains.
There’s a book I have called Dancing With Life, and it’s all about applying buddhist lessons to life struggles, and learning how to cope and live with it all while understanding that they are a part of life, and it is human vulnerability that lets them take us over. Not that it is everybody’s solution, but the book explains how advancement of meditation practices can help people in innumerable ways to cope with life’s struggles. How funny that years after I dated somebody that believed strongly in meditation, I finally see the power in it.
Even if meditation is not your thing, I’ve learned that the ideas that book offers are applicable in anybody’s life. For instance, take a bout of anger or stress that occurs, say at work or within the family, it is easy to stop for a moment, think of the situation and the other person and the consequences that can come from either you freaking out or calmly addressing the situation, and find the best solution for you. Typically, it’s going to be to calmly address the situation. Acknowledge your emotions and work with them, rather than letting them control you. This is being mindful.
In reference to being alone, as I mentioned before, I just watched a video that I think everybody should watch. It highlights the importance of being able to be alone, and the wonders it can do for your life.
Thinking about what I’ve said and what the video tells you, I hope that you can step outside tomorrow, look at the sky, take a deep breath, and decide that it will be a great day. Because you can make it great, and you can be happy.