Let me tell you about my most recent ex-boyfriend, the most toxic person to ever come into my life.
We met online, as so many do in this day and age. We saw each other many days over the course of two weeks, before he left. He was a marine leaving for a two-year deployment in Okinawa.
Months went by and we stayed together. We mutually broke up on Easter of the same year because we realized that we were fighting more than enjoying talking to each other. He would point out all of my flaws in the worst way, ridiculing me and making me feel like a cornered, cowering puppy. That made me wary enough to give him a second chance two months later.
When he contacted me about getting back together, one of his reasons was that it was logical. We had the same goals, interests, we both found each other attractive, blah blah blah. I agreed yes, it was logical. But I put my wariness behind me thinking he had changed, and tried not to think about how logic isn’t a reason to be in a relationship with somebody.
We compromised the second time around; really tried hard to make things better. I thought they were, and I thought I could stick it out until he came home. However, my friends that would be around me when he and I fought knew I was not entirely happy. They knew I was wasting my time waiting for something that was not going to be my forever. It wasn’t until I was briefly pursued by someone I had feelings for that I realized that I couldn’t waste either my or his time anymore. I ended it, fully making it known that there would be no third time.
We had talked occasionally since – random conversations here and there just catching up. If he told me he was seeing someone, I would be happy for him, yet feel a bit of selfish sadness as I remembered how much he cared for me and how I hadn’t found that again. However, the moment I told him I was seeing someone, all hell broke loose.
Something people should know about deployed military personnel: It is common for them to experience mental illness caused by the stress or depression of being away from home.
So the last conversation I had with him prior to this week was a month ago when I was seeing someone. When I told him, he proceeded to tell me that all of the bad things that he had recently experienced, including finding out he was talking to a catfish, how he spent new years alone, and whatever else he could complain about to me.
Here’s the thing, as much as I wanted to feel bad for him, he took out all emotions on me. He couldn’t be happy for me, instead he got short and shitty with me. He asked me all about the person then said “Have fun with your new boyfriend, I come home in 30 days but, nevermind. Goodbye. Happy New Year.”
While that doesn’t seem like much, after dating him for so long, I knew the tone and implications of the messages. When I asked if he was really going to be like “that,” he reiterated multiple times to me all that had gone wrong in his life, then added on that me not being around when he comes home is just more bad news, even though we have been separated for months at this point. He even said he couldn’t look at me as his ex-girlfriend, but didn’t explain what exactly he meant by that.
The way he handled it and treated me in the conversation was very immature for a 26 year old, and it’s hard for me to portray this without screenshotting that conversation and attaching it to this, which would not be as efficient or necessary as the screenshots you will see later on.
The next conversation we had was only a few days ago – one that I started, knowing that he is to be coming home this weekend. I told him I would be willing to see him under one condition: he understands why I was still unhappy with him from the last conversation and apologizes, because I never got one.
He did and tried to explain to me why he used me as a way to take out all of the stress that was built up. I put it past us and we proceeded to have a friendly conversation.
The next couple days, he often alluded to things between us that would be more than friendly. I was uncomfortable and made it known to him that I wanted to be strictly friends. I wanted the sexual and romantic conversation to stop and to not even be addressed if and when we were to see each other. I wanted no thought of our past relationship or possible future one. He understood and did not fight me on it, however he also did not reply.
The next message I get from him was tonight, and was a screenshot of the last texts we shared on his american phone the day he left for Okinawa. It was sweet with pet names and kiss emojis. Receiving this after the last conversation we had annoyed me, as it appeared to me as him trying to remind and sway me back to him. I was short with him and explained to him why I wasn’t okay or comfortable with such a message, and how it wasn’t just going to induce simple, calm conversation like he had intended.
This explanation apparently warranted him calling me psycho. Picture attached below.
Yeah. I heard things like that A LOT, even when we were dating. Said just like that. He really thought it was okay to call me things and talk to me like this. In this conversation, I reminded him of that. I told him that I didn’t need him telling me what was wrong with me, and that was why we broke up, why I don’t like talking to him most of the time. He then proceeded to tell me to stop messaging him, even though in most cases, he was the one to start the conversation. In an attempt to end it, I gave him a nasty goodbye, in which he simply replied with a “hahaha” and this:
He then blocked me after sending these.
And this, folks, is where I tell you to cut all toxic people out of your life. Get rid of all of the immature, high horse-riding, belittling douchebags that plague your life. Never in my life have I experienced somebody like him, and I hope to never come across one again. I cannot stand people who cannot admit when they are wrong, and who use age as a number that defines their power, even if they act younger than I am.
Not that I have issues with the type of people he described, but I am not such a person to a level that he believes. I am somebody who enjoys art and can see the beauty and sadness in all things, but am not somebody that cannot empathize or try to understand any situation. If you know me personally, you know this is true.
I’m making this post to put him on blast (without revealing his identity because I will not stoop so low) for everyone to see and learn the type of person they should steer clear of. Nobody should stand for such treatment.
While it may be hard for some to understand why this is so bad, for those who might think I’m simply pouting over being called out and am getting revenge, this is not about that.
I am comfortable in my identity, in my personality, and my strength as a human being. What I am not comfortable with is the power complex some people have in the world believing they can talk to another human being like this.
No matter the emotions you have toward somebody, do not be so awful to say things like this and not see the wrong in yourself. Do not be toxic, and do not let toxic people in your own life.
Be the best you can be and surround yourself with the best people you can.